I'm sensing difficult years ahead of me.... My oldest is 13 (THIRTEEN!!! *gasp*), and lately we are constantly at each other's throats. *sigh* But I love her to bits.

Thing is.....I get freaked out! I never had a good relationship with my own mom. In fact, there was no relationship. She was emotionally unavailable. We hardly spoke, never hugged. Never once told me she loved me*. I could never do anything right in her eyes, and she had no problem telling anyone that. Not even being a straight-A student did the trick. There were very hard years growing up, and I always envied friends' families. I still do. Its always been a very sad spot in my heart. But, I learned to live with it. I got to a point where I didn't care anymore, it didn't matter anymore.

And then I had children of my own...

So even though I have pretty good relationships with my children, and we have good communication, I can't help but freak out when things go rough. And I'm so afraid of finding something of my mother in myself. And I'm so afraid my kids might someday feel the same towards me as I do towards my mother. Its such a huge load to carry...I want them to feel what I never did.



*A couple of years ago, while talking on the phone (while we were living abroad), she told me she loved me....and I was stunned. It was just too weird.

What could be worse than cleaning up the cat's poop on the carpet?

Cleaning up the dogs vomit 'cos he got to the poop before you did!

Phew.....

I have survived my son's 8th birthday party....and I am exhausted! But, not just any party, a sleepover party!! I don't know what possessed me to say yes when he asked. What helped was that we only invited 6 other boys, and that was his idea too (smart kid - I would never have survived more...).

But man, its hard work!!

My oldest daughter had her own sleepout planned, and I panicked just a little about that, 'cos that left me and my other daughter (who'll be 12 next month) to handle the whole event. But luck striked when her best friend slept over, and the two of them kept the group of boys busy for hours! Some days I'm so grateful for older kids :) They did treasure hunts, and invented other cool games like Fear Factor.....and the kids loved it! Its so satisfying to hear children say; This is the best party I've ever been too in my life!

The only problem was getting them to sleep!! Its not an easy thing, and you can't really go to bed and let them be.....the house might not be standing the next morning...not the way you remember it anyway. :-/ So yah....the last one dropped off by 2am! And this morning they were up with the sun....how do they do that? I'm definitely not young anymore :-(

After another marathon play session in the pool and in the park next door, they each walked out the door like zombies when their parents collected them.... Most parents thanked me, cos it meant they'd have sleepy tired kids most of the day :)

Phew! The end of another weekend... I'm exhausted.

When did my life start revolving around my children's social lives!?

I wonder what I was supposed to think when my oldest daughter (now 13) told me the other day: Ma, you look like a Desperate Housewife today.

Huh?

It sometimes feels to me like I'm living someone else's life.... Its like I'm supposed to be somewhere else, doing something else...

I just can't shake the feeling.

Life was exciting for years - we lived abroad, travelled a lot - and then we decided to return home and settle down. *sigh* Bought the house, found the kids a nice new school, got a bunch of pets.....but then it felt wrong and we started itching again. Maybe we're just spoilt.

I'm waiting for a sign.....

Sneaky Sam

Quite amusing! Customers have even started paying for Sam's daily snack :)

I truly believe...uhh...

Stumbled upon this by accident...uhh....

glumbert - Miss Teen South Carolina answers a question

How did the question involve South Africa? Uhh....

kisses for the cure

kisses for the cure
Originally uploaded by lynnieb

Ahh....if they were available in my country I'd be a big supporter!! I remember a time when these were kindof an addiction for me :)

mm
Originally uploaded by Hugo y Charli

Mmmmmmm :)

M&M's promo for Breast Cancer

M&M's promo for Breast Cancer
Originally uploaded by lynnieb

What an awesome way of supporting the cause :)

Do a woman a favour....

Click on the ribbon, and give someone a free mammogram...

Its free!

The "people's princess" stays alive

A new investigation into the tragic and suspicious death of Diana opened yesterday. I heard it on the radio and thought: what?! After 10 years?! Who would have thought that it would be kept alive this long.... I've actually been surprized every time I've seen her on a magazine cover over the past years. She was a special person, and the memories deserve to live on, but I'm wondering if it isn't time she's left in peace... I wonder how the family (especially her sons) feel about it.

I never really did extensive reading on the whole incident, so probably don't know most of the findings, but from the little I did actually hear and read it surely sounds like it wasn't an accident. A lot of the facts are just a little too coincidental. I know a lot of people are saying its a waste of money (I read somewhere that it'll have cost about 10 million pounds by the time its all over), but I'd surely want to know the truth if it was my family....

I was still a little girl when Diana was married to Charles, and I remember sitting in front of the TV with my mom the whole day watching the ceremony :)

I really hope they find the truth with this inquest so that Lady Di can finally rest in peace...

Delta 757

Delta 757
Originally uploaded by So Cal Metro

How cool is this?

In the pink

(Hmm....like I haven't had enough PINK for a while!)

I'm supporting Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and going Pink for October!
http//pinkforoctober.org

I'm really really absolutely not at all a 'pink' person...no way, no girly girl for me.... but I have to admit: this is kinda fun!! And I'm actually amazed at the support out there for this cause. I guess I haven't been......aware... :) I mean.....uhm...they're painting planes?! How cool is that?!

The fever has broken

Well, the P!nk fever in the house has died down a little by now.. not much, just a little... For days you could hear someone singing 'who knew' and 'do you really wanna mess with me tonight....' Oh, and the 'dorky dance'! Oh my, we've laughed so much. I don't really remember on which song she taught everyone the dorky dance, but it was rather funny :)

All p!nked up!!

P!nk performed here in Cape Town last night.....it was AWESOME!! I had a blast!!



I'm not really into celebs, but she really seemed to be quite a cool person. Bubbly, funny personality. I love how she skips across the stage...she's like a little girl in some ways... It was really cool :)




I'm not crazy about each and every song, but man....she can make a noise!! I love it!! She's been on tour for 2 years now!! ....yeah, 2 friggin' years!! Amazing. And this was the final show of the tour....how cool is that!!? Oh, and she made a comment that "this is the loudest country I've ever been to....a whole lot of loud people" :)




Oh and it was so awesome to do it with the kids.... The girls are 11 and 12, and its just sooo much fun doing something like this with them! Can't wait for another event....already have tickets booked !!

yes or no?

I can't get over those poor souls that scout the net searching for someone to 'cyber' with... *shakes head*

i mean...what are they thinking? nothing better to do...or better place to find 'excitement'?

today i had another of those messages pop up from some stranger:

him (i guess): "I want to have camera sex with you"

(hmm...like That's gonna do it for me)

me: dream on buddy!!

(silence for a little while....oh the confusion..)

hiim: is that yes? of no?

(uhm....dumbass!!)

me: duh! no!!

him: bye

ok....so at least he has enough manners to say "bye"!! hehe

Lost

Somedays I feel a little lost...

Its not a feeling I can describe.....

Just....lost.....

Let go.....and breathe...

Its quite scary when your kids grow up, and you have to give them more freedom and space... The thing I'm most confused about though, is that they were babies just the other day.....when did this growing up thing happen????

My eldest one is 12, and away on vacation for 3 days with a friend and her family. Not a big deal, I know, and she's had sleepovers before.....but those were only sleepovers....one night, come back the next day.....I knew where she was. Its different now that she is somewhere unfamiliar to me.

The house feels so empty! Feeling a little unsettled...a little lost.....