I can't win

I forgot a little detail when I posted yesterday. I said that the hubby started work recently, but I forgot to mention that he's actually working from home.....that makes a little difference, doesn't it. At first I thought cool!...and it is cool, but its not an easy adjustment either.

I don't wanna bother him, but its natural to chat when he's around. Sometimes I'll notice that he's only hearing half of what I'm saying, and I hate that. Or he'll talk and talk about work or whatever when I'm busy, and I hardly take in what he's saying. When I have to go out for groceries, or whatever, he'll come along. Then later that night he'll complain about how little work he'd done that day. When I stay completely out of his way during the day so he can work undisturbed, he'll still complain about not getting stuff done. And when I comment that its not my fault cos I stayed out of the way, he'll say: that's exactly the problem....... *sigh*. What the hell am I supposed to do? I just can't win...

Shattered dream

For years hubby and I have been dreaming about working together (be it normal employment, an entrepreneurial venture, whatever). So after deciding to move back to our home country, we thought: this is it! We had decided that we would take some months off, renovate the house together (paint etc.), and work on our future plans. We're both quite introverted people, and don't need a highly social life, so this is fine. We love being together, and have never had issues spending all our time together. But it hasn't worked out this way.

This move has really been quite stressful. Everything that could go wrong, did. And being back here isn't moonshine and roses (more on that another time). Though we can afford to take a little time off before starting work again (and planned it that way), the hubby couldn't quite stick to that plan. From day 1 he was paranoid about that, and have now started work. So....no house renovations....no special time together. In fact, in the 3 months since we've been back home, we've done nothing but bite at each other. This is really sad for me, and I hate not liking my husband at the moment. But I don't.

I've spilled so many tears lately...don't know what the hell is wrong with me. And then I came to a conclusion: I have to go to work again... I wanted to stay home for the kids' sake (the whole adjustment thing, etc), but I think they'll survive. I have to start thinking about Me for a change...

Its time to get out of my little box.

I'm freaked out!

Of all the people I've met on the internet, I've never met any of them in person. I've always wondered how that would be...if they'd be close to what I'd imagined. Its almost like when you read a book, and then see the movie....its never really the same - you use way more imagination when reading the book than when watching the movie, so things are just different.

Well I think its the same with people. Of course the anonymity of the internet allow people to be different than their true selves, but I think we also perceive people to be as we'd like...especially when you become friends.

One of the friends I've made on the net quite a few years ago happens to be in the country at the moment. We've become quite close and of course decided that we'd meet while she's here. Today she unexpectedly called to let me know she was in the area, and we could meet on the weekend. When I answered the phone and she said it was her, I was completely flustered! She sounded totally, totally different than what I expected.....not that I really had an expectation, but this didn't fit the profile at all! Not sure its the kind of person I'd get along with in real life....and yet we got along so well online all these years...

I'm a bit freaked out about our meeting. I'm probably just being silly, but what if this ruins the 'online' friendship that's become really special to me...?

(oh, don't get me wrong: I like most people, and get along fine with anyone...but I'm a very private person, and don't allow people into my private life very easily. and she was one of the very few that I shared with.)

Go with the flow...

In SA our schoolyear starts in January, until beginning December. So its almost time for final exams, etc. Our youngest is in 'kindergarten' (as most of the world calls it - not here though). Last night he had concert, and 'graduation'. It was soooo sweet! Half the time I was laughing so much, tears were flowing *blush*. I'm not comfortable yet with posting pictures of my family, but I'd have loved to :)

Its a little sad though - my baby is growing up! Five years ago I was at this same point with my oldest, and although it was sad that they were all growing up so fast then, it wasn't quite the same. This is my last one!

Oh well, life goes on...right?

Hmm..right now I have a puppy and a crazy kitten fighting over who gets to lie on my lap. I feel so wanted....